


The Wonderous Fairytale of Prince Emil, Designated Sodomist

by Bundel



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: "fairytale", I am so sorry, I hate myself, I'm gonna rate is as explicit just to be sure nobody accidentally reads this, M/M, Mentions of bestiality, if you think of yourself as a person with sensitive humour, it's not graphic, just do yourself a favour and read something else, or at least just for two sentences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bundel/pseuds/Bundel
Summary: This is the story of Prince Emil Fredrik. He has a problem.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It all started with the joke that if Emil can't have Lalli, he must love cats instead.

Once upon a time, in a land far away - ruled the great, powerful house Västerström over a beautiful kingdom. Life was rich and happy there.

After a long, childless marriage, Queen Helga finally gave birth to an heir: Prince Emil Fredrik. The king was overjoyed, and their minions loved their little prince. Emil Fredrik was a healthy, strong infant, and grew into a beautiful young man. His golden hair, shimmering in the sunlight when he went to battle the evils of the forest, was the subject of many songs that were sung all over the country.

When he rode past a town, women and men alike fell to his feet, crying about the beauty that was bestowed on them. And Prince Emil would laugh, and smile, and wave to them. He was known to love the big feasts his parents held in their castle, and being granted a dance with him meant the world to those who got the chance.

But as the years wore on, the king and queen grew worried: Not once in their life they had seen their son fall in love. No matter how many times he was offered someone’s hand in marriage, no matter how many women and men tried to seduce him, he hadn’t given in once. But they needed an heir for their great house to thrive!

After one particularly successful feast, when the king saw his son retire into his chambers, he decided to follow him. But when he did so, he realized that the Prince was indeed not headed to his rooms: He left the castle and went into the menagerie.

Surely he just wants to look at the birds and enjoy their song, the king thought and was just about to turn around and return to the fest, as a horrible cry and a hiss filled the air. Fearing that a troll might have snuck in and was threatening his son, the king ran into the small house only to discover his son, the prince, was balls deep buried in a cat that hissed and spat, trying to free itself.

When Prince Emil realized that his father had seen him, he let go of the poor animal and sank to the floor in shame. “I know, father!” he said, sobbing. “I am but a dirty cat-fucker! I wish I could escape my horrible fate of being attracted to cats!”

And the king grabbed his son gently by the arm and brought him outside. “You will never set foot near an animal again, son. We will do everything we can to heal you of this curse.”

And from that night on, a dark chapter in the life of the royal family began. The king and queen had to watch their son lose interest in everything he loved. Because he was not allowed to visit the cats anymore, he grew thin and sad, his hair lost its shimmer and his mouth lost its smile. He stopped visiting the countryside and battling trolls. All he ever did was sit in his chamber and stare out of the window.

One day, the king and queen made a decision: They had wanted to keep a secret of their son’s forbidden affliction, but they realized they couldn’t cure him without help. So they made an announcement that roared like thunder all over the country: Whoever would be able to cure Prince Emil would be offered riches beyond all imagination. (And maybe their son’s hand in marriage, if they weren’t _too_ ugly.)

Women, men, non-binaries of all shapes, genders and sizes flooded into the city, and everyone wanted to try their hands at curing the prince. Hordes of half-naked people danced in front of him, mages from faraway lands made Emil drink potions and tried whatever spell they could think of, but nothing worked.

At the end of the day, the prince went to bed alone again, sad and in deep shame.

Then two mages from the faraway country of Finland happened to hear of the price that was set out on curing the beautiful prince Emil Fredrik, designated cat fucker, as they soon called him all over the country. And the older one of the two decided that they should try their luck.

When the two mages presented themselves to the king and queen, the picture they saw was enough to make you lose hope: The queen had puffy eyes from all the crying, the king hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, and the prince sat beside his parents on his throne, looking thin and sick.

“My king!” The older mage, a man named Onni, said. “My name is Onni Hotakainen, and I swear, I will cure your son of this wretched curse, for I am the best mage this land has ever seen!”

The king and queen agreed to let him try, and the mage named Onni began his work, while his younger cousin stood beside and watched without a word. Onni tried everything he could: He put spells on Emil, he brewed him potion after potion and sang to his gods all night. Nothing worked, the Prince was still desperate, and entirely devoted to felines.

But the king and queen were gracious people, and they offered the mage and his cousin a place at their dinner table that night. As a desperate try to make Prince Emil eat something, anything, if even a bite, they served his favourite, sweet rice pudding. Everyone was already delighted when Emil helped himself to a bowl and tasted it. Then, because it wasn’t quite sweet enough for him, he slowly crept his hand along the table to reach for the sugar. His hand slid past the younger mage, a man named Lalli, who – out of sheer reflex – slapped the hand of the prince that slowly crept past him.

The prince was stunned. He stared at the mage, his cheeks blushing a deep red, and asked: “What’s your name, mage?”

“Lalli.” The man answered.

“Lalli.” The prince repeated. He was quiet for the rest of the dinner and retreated to his chambers early, as was lately his custom, but Lalli couldn’t forget the look on the princes face. Then, he had an idea.

That night, Lalli carefully crept past the guards and slipped into the prince’s bedchamber. Prince Emil lay awake, staring silently at him in the moonlight. When the daylight didn’t shine on his worn-out face, he was almost as beautiful as he used to be when he still sodomized cats.

“I know what you need.” The mage Lalli said.

“You do?” prince Emil asked.

“You just need a lover who acts like a cat.” And they made sweet, sweet love to one another and Lalli’s purring and scratching and sharp hissing while he was inside of him drove the prince insane.

Three days later, the wedding bells rang all over the country. And they lived happily ever after…

**Author's Note:**

> A friendly reminder: Fucking your cat is never an option.


End file.
